Tuesday, June 24, 2008

My life story? I think not.

June 24, 2008

I'm honestly not very sure why I'm posting this at all.
I guess I felt I ought to think back to when I was a kid and see how I grew?
I'm not sure...hmmm....
Either way.

Pre-K didn't exist where I lived. I remember, as a kid, driving by the Kindergarden/Elementary school, asking my dad "When does school start?" every day the summer before Kindergarden. And the summer before. And the summer before. I was so excited to learn...I mean, my brain just hungerd for knowledge. I already had a bookbag, pencils...you know, everything. I wanted to go to school like the big kids and know things.
Of course, it could also have been some subconcious want to show off my reading skillz....w~

Kindergarden was a mess. Seriously.
I was so excited my first day...I honestly don't remember that fabled inability to let go that other kids seem to get on their first day. I was ready to go.
I had an angel of a teacher. She was absolutely amazing. I mean, the light just followed her. I remember, on my birthday, she made me cupcakes, and the entire class got to have the sugary delights.
Of course, my angel had to be taken away. My dad was in the military, you see...so he was restationed in this town near Floresville. I.e. Nowhereseville.
My new kindergarden was no where near as amazing. My teacher was horrid-mean and I didn't like being there.
Honestly. However, since my nap time was different than it was in San Antonio, I got to play computer games when I couldn't sleep. You know, those Jump-Start games? Yeah. Those.
By the end of the year I had made a couple of good friends~and one really good friend, Edward.

First Grade was spent in Floresville. With Edward as my older-brother guard (he was a grade older than me) and Georgie as my trusty companion, we were unstopable. Of course, I had friends my age--Michelle and Erica and whatnot--but I didn't have the after-school adventures with them like I did with Edward and Georgie. We did everything together...from playing pokemon card-games, to adventures in the woods, to tire-swings, to sleepovers...everything. Funny anecdote: I remember talking to my friend, Erica, next to the big silver slide in the playground. Michelle was on top of the slide and was desperately trying to get my attention. After a few thousand "AMANDAAAA!"s, I turned on my heel and yelled up "It's not polite to interrupt!" and finished my conversation with Erica. Michelle was so dumbfounded, she forgot what she was going to tell me. My teachers were Mrs. Snow and Mrs. Miller. Mrs. Snow was the type of character who's name fit her personality. She was cold. And she was mean.
She had her entire room set up in this weird circle-around-the-teacher thing.
And whenever someone got something wrong, she tended to look directly in my direction and YELL. Like I was the one at fault. I remember crying a lot in her class. She taught History and...something else. English, I guess.
Now, Mrs. Miller was awesome. She taught Math and Literature. Pwn. I loved her.

Second Grade I was supposed to go back to my 1st grade teachers.
Like hell I was going back to Mrs. Snow. So, I got my parents to talk to some people and managed to get myself in Mrs. Millers' class full-time.
You see, both teachers taught all four subjects. She rocked.

Third Grade (Philips Elementary) My dad found a job in Dallas, as his back ailments forced him to resign from the military...But he was still stuck on small-towns, so we settled in Kaufman. I remember I went to a girl-scout recruitment meeting, since I needed to make new friends, in June. Funny anecdote: during the meeting, we were given colors and pictures of bears. I think it was she who came in late because of soccor...or maybe it was me....whatever. Anyways, I saw this girl with BIG poofy hair coloring and so I sat near her...or maybe I invited her over. Either way, we were next to eachother. Now, I was coloring my bear with some really ugly brown color, and I asked her to lend me her pink one, for the ears. Anyways, that girl's name is Madeline, and we've been best friends since. Third grade was a mess, too. First I was assigned by the attendance office to Mrs. Shaw, who told me I wasn't on her attendance list. But, she said, there was an Amanda Smith on Mrs. Nation's roster, so I should go find her. So, I did. I sat down at a little desk with my name on it. I picked up the goody-bag Mrs. Nations had put together for me (so I thought) and I began making friends when...(dundunduuun) the OTHER Amanda Smith showed up. Amanda Nicole Smith. We checked the roster and I had to go back to Mrs. Shaw's class. She wrote me in, and I sat at an empty seat next to this hispanic boy. I tried to sound out his name and perk-ily asked him "So, you're name's Josie? Like...a girl?" and he says in this really pissed off voice "No. It's Mexican. It's Jose". Crap.
And to top it off, I kept forgetting Madeline's name, so she was every name I could think of that started with an M for a while.

Fourth grade wasn't all that special. Madeline got detenion the first day in Mrs. Cross's class (we had the class together) for not having glasses. I remember her, Caroline and me coming up with "Never Cross Mrs. Cross or Mrs. Cross'll cross you" or something....either way it was meant to be mean. XD It was either this year or 5th grade that Caroline had her last year with us. D:
XD Me, Caroline and Max all came up with Super Cheeseman, and our horse games this year, I believe.

Fifth grade we moved up to Nash Intermediate. Woo. Graduation. It was about the time I started to think about boys in a way other than friends. You know, crushes and whatnot. In fact, I discovered this old diary entery about one of the boys in my class. I was like "Omigod,he'ssocuteandstuff"
That year I had decided to join choir...mistake. I believe I transferred to get into art by second semester.

Sixth grade Woo. Graduation. No.
I had a plethera of teachers now, including Mrs. Jones, Mrs. Burkheart, and others. I think I had a total of 5 or 7.
Also, during my sixth grade year, was when everyones' voices changed, and we all got a bit more mature than we were before. XD
It was also the year Jacob and Hanna moved to Kaufman. I was assigned to be their tour-guide for the first few days. I had band for the first time this year too, so I had a new instrument to learn, as well as new friends to make and more fitting-in to do. I think I took art this year too, since my math-choice allowed me to have two electives.
Also, this is the year my parents split up. That didn't make Junior high any easier for me, thank you.

Seventh grade. Oh God. Junior High. To be specific: O.P. Norman.
Can you say DRAMA? I had a bad haircut, so I was constantly mistaken for a boy. The fact that I was still flat-chested probably didn't help my case. I started Dance along with Band (and possibly art, as well?) so I had a few more things to do at home besides homework. This was the first year I had real lockers in the hallways, and my first year of even -trying- relationships. I dated Antonio for about a month as the school year was coming to an end...that didn't last. Then I went out with Thomas after an eight-hour drive of nothing but talking the entire time, since both of us were insomniacs. XD That did happen to last a long time.
I learned that I am a painful flirt, that I can bloom overnight (gee, thanks Mother Nature) and I am not most people's ideal dream-girl. Woo.

Eight Grade sucked. I was hated most of the year for stupid reasons. I had pizza thrown at me constantly during lunch. Madeline moved in September, so I was basically alone. I pretty much hated life right about then. I had fewer friends than I could remember ever happening, but I managed to trudge through. Thank God for KCCT, ne? I discovered it in 7th grade, but didn't really get involved until the 8th. I made a bunch of new friends during the show Annie in 7th (like Marty and Randall etc). But in regular school, most of my friends (including my boyfriend) had graduated to Highschool, so I was left to fend for myself. Band was a nice outlet, though. Everyone was nice at least during band. This is when the Josie drama really got out of hand, the Kitty drama got insane (it's on my xanga) and I broke up with Thomas. 2 days before the year-mark. That had to have stung...it did me, anyways.
But I auditioned for Booker T at the end of the year after learning about it the week before. My stepmom sweet-talked the people into letting me turn in my application late, and I had to take an SAT9, before. Which is where I met Edo.

Ninth grade didn't start out as planned. I was on the waiting list for Booker T, so I didn't start there immedietly. I did, however, attend Band Camp and Lionettes Camp (Drill team) and managed to get myself settled back into my old friends and relationships. I dated Kitty for about a month, and then dated Thomas again.
By the third week of school (or later?), the first football game was rolling around, so the band was in high-gear with before and after school rehearsals. On the wednesday before the game, I got a call asking me to start at Booker T the next day. I don't believe I cried harder than I did that night. I had two world to choose. And both hurt, but felt so perfect at the same time. Obviously, I chose Booker T, but only after my first Football game. I'm sure it's because I was leaving, but I got Lionette of the Week and performed my first and last football game. By Monday, I started at Booker T. (Of course, I had to start on a B day of all things ><). Block schedules were new to me, but I had Edo to keep by, so at least I had one friend. Also, my friend Andy (Who I had auditioned with) made it as well, so I got to see her too. I was put in a lot of sophomore cluster clasess, as well as most of my required ones. I made friends pretty quickly, though I was Edo's clone most days.

Apparently, a lot of people didn't like me that way.
I lost a lot of Kaufman friends that year. D:

But, by the end of the year, with the death of my Grandmother piled with the death of my Grandpa Fred, and the hanging-myself-with-my-own-metaphorical-rope, my eyes were opened to that fact. I met Maddie second semester, and we've been really tight ever since.
I'm pretty sure I met Kisho right at the end of the year, since he attended Broadway lights (*shudder*), and I met Niisan a few weeks before. Well...IM'd anyways. XD

Tenth Grade went a hell of a lot smoother. I managed to fix a lot of my old frienships gone awry in Kaufman over the summer, and Thomas broke up with me before 9th grade ended. I dated Braden for almost 3 months, but that wasn't very long. I attended my first con the summer between, and had a blast. I was becoming my own person, and strengthening my relationships with a lot of people, especially Maddie. I got to experience the move between Nolan Estas and the new building, and I learned a lot along the way. I began dating Jacob on September 11th and still am. I made a lot of new friends, who were really there the entire time, if only I had let them in last year. For example: Andi Ball-Mesa, who I can't get over. Lakyn, who I love. Alyssa and John. Jean Luc, Katie, Kayla, Aaron (more this year than last), Dena and a lot more. I got to learn a lot about vocal technique, comedy and other ...acting skills? XD
I managed to make my year rock, honestly. But it went by too fast.
Too bad French sucked ><
I also learned that everyone has a bad side to them, but if you accept the bad side, you can really love the good side.
And I became even closer to the friends I managed to establish last year, spare Edo. Who basically dumped me. Oh well. We don't talk much anymore.

Junior year I hope will be fun. At least half as fun as my Sophomore year, and I will be set. I'm taking a French II course this summer, so I can have more cluster classes next year, and I have a lot of new projects to do for my AP classes.
I'm pretty psyched. I'm still with Jacob, as I said. And I hope there's less drama, spare the whole "omigodwe'regraduatingnextyear" stuff.

Anyways, I don't think I got anywhere with this post, but it entertained me for about an hour.
I hope you enjoyed the peek into my life...and tell me if you noticed any growth in there.
I know I did, it's obvious if you know me, and even moreso if you knew me back when I attended Kaufman schools. But I dunno if it came across in this...

Monday, June 23, 2008

String Matrix

June 23, 2008

You know, if I ever actually put any music to my songs, I'd have something to put on my stupid music page that's going NO WHERE in a heartbeat :D

Here ya go.
Newest song~Dedicated to Wolfe


Let me take you through the forest of my mind
Flowers and Foldgers
Never know what you may find.
Tit for tat
This for that
What do you think of that?
What do you think of that?

Been here for hours in the sauna of my mind
Towels strewn about,
The steamer may go blind
Tit for tat
Tit for that
What do you think of that?
What do you think of that?

(chorus) I think it means we live in a world of made of string
So many, so many, tangled-up strings
Puppeteer, Puppeteer, gimme your hand
Let's all untangle our tangled up land

I'm getting lost here in the maze that is my mind
Don't know which way to go
I wonder who'll find..me...
Tit for tat
Tit for that
What do you think of that?
What do you think of that?

I found an out here, in a corner of my mind
A bit of door here,
Dotted by an exit sign
That bit of tit for tat
That bit of this for that
Here's what I think of that...
Here's what I think of that...

I think it means we live in a world of made of string
So many, so many, tangled-up strings
Puppeteer, Puppeteer, gimme your hand
Let's detangle, retangle, shetangle, metangle, wetangle, this land