I'm suddenly very upset with myself

And I'm not particularly sure why.

That's all I had to say, honestly.

I must have missed a memo

I'm a junior in high school.
I ought to be past this whole "holy crap what do boys think of me?" phase, don't you think?
I mean, it never mattered much to me until...
Until prom.
Until April.
Until Now.

I was one of those kids that dated steadily. I didn't do casual dates, and I often looked down on someone who changed boyfriends like they changed their underwear. I would have these serious, possibly-going-somewhere-after-school relationships that lasted for years at a time. And then BAM.
I meet Zark.
Things get messy.
I date (sort of) Zark.
And things get messy.
And we split.
And all of a sudden I care.
I care what Chaz and John and Ben and Davis and Freddy and all those other boys in my grade think.
Not because I'm crushing on them, no, but because something in me clicked and said "Oh. Hey. I forgot. You're supposed to want to impress the other sex."
Now I want to dress up and wear nice makeup to get a compliment from a guy. I want to gossip about boys (which is decently unheard of. I gossip about ...well, nothing. I'm pretty out of the loop, so I never had much to say. But all of a sudden I'm sitting in a gaggle of girls saying "Oh my goodness. Did you see his shirt? He's so cute when he makes that face! EEK!") I need to ...I want to come to prom and have the boys stare....
I'm becoming what the freshman and sophomores are. I'm degenerating or something.
I digress.
Actually, no. I don't digress.
I never had a point to this blog.
I just...I'm just...I feel so...I'm confused about this sudden self-interest.
Hell, what happened to me wanting to be one of the guys?
*sigh*
Maybe it'll pass once Prom is over.
Or maybe he'll notice that I do, indeed like him and I want to do something.
Or maybe I'll just date casually.
I'm tired of long-winded relationships.
Where was I getting with this?
Guh, I need to start giving myself an outline.

To err is human

To knit is divine.

I've rediscovered my old knitting things, in spirit of Lucky Stiff.
I have learned that I still suck, and that it is still relaxing.
I think I'll take it up again.
Any thoughts?

（^o^）幸せ

-月です。

My store

http://www.zazzle.com/tsuki56

Go buy things?

Maybe?

Please?

I'm trying to raise money to attend Perry Mansfield School for the Six-Weeks Intensive

I'm a little less than halfway to my goal.

I've got to raise another $2,000, so please...support my fight to get there!

As most of you know..

(Miyavi at the hotel in Houston, taken on April 11th by his people, posted on his myspace today)
I saw Miyavi yesterday.
I cannot seem to adequately express how amazing he was live. So, I'm going to recap my day--April 11, 2009...actually, I start from the time we got to Houston.

After checking in Yaya and I whipped out our blank white t-shirts and sharpies and began thinking of what we were going to write on them. She showered and I decided to write his name (kanji), the date (kanji and numbers), one of his tattoos (on his right arm, both in Japanese and English) along with various songs and albums that have influenced me over the years. On the back I wrote some of the lyrics to the song that originally turned me to Miyavi (Jibun Kakumei). She couldn't decide what to do, so I ended up just doing a sort of matching-but-mixed version of my shirt on hers (seperate colors, different albums, etc). Went to bed at 3 AM. I was...DEAD. XD

Next morning: Woke at 9..ish. Dressed, Ate, and registered by 10. Wandered around the con with Yaya for ...an hour at most, and noticed a line of Miyavi-Shirt-Sporting people around the Main Event area and thought, "Well, if there's 30 people here NOW, we may as well sit so we can get a good spot," and joined them. Less than half an hour later we were moved outside, and then moved again inside...and then told to disperse. Being the smart conners we are, we all sort of...hovered. XD We got moved various times when other fans spotted our clusters and the groups got too huge. Around noon or 1, Miyavi began sound-checking. We could hear him. It was ...pretty exciting, actually. Everyone got an extra dose of being pumpage. Again, the group got big and we were in the way of some autograph session, so we moved. By now Miyavi's 'people' were waltzing in and out of the main event on a regular basis, so the few that remained hovering got to see little glances of Miyavi before the show--talking, directing, singing, walking around in a slightly confused fashion....you know, the works. Every time we saw him, we got a little more excited. (Now, remember. We got here at 10, began waiting at 11. It's now...3 o'clockish). Now the Miyavi fans begin to get organized. We were frustrated with constantly being moved around, and wanted to preserve the 'better places' for those of us who had been waiting since 11, so we began numbering and 'symboling.' The symbols were for superpassers (hearts first, dots second, etc) and the nubers were for general admission. This was the doing of the conners, not the con staff. Everyone, for the most part, respected it. It was nice. We got a little bit of time to ourselves, so Yaya bought two mangas (Fruits basket for me and Love-Com for her) and a shirt/poster, and I got a shirt/poster as well.
Around 5 the line was officially started. Yaya and I got jostled around and ended up around the 50-person mark, which wasn't too bad. We heard rumors that not everyone in line could make it into the event, seeing as the room was so small. We were glad we were smart enough to head out early. Again, we would see glances of him, his guitarists, his bassist (who's birthday is today) and his dj and various points of time. At one point the guitarist and dj went the wrong way to the restroom and ended up being surprised by the huge crowd awaiting Miyavi. The concert was being pushed back. The soundboard was fritzing and the lighting was being a pain, apparently. Originally, the doors would have opened at 7, but two hours went by before the line began crawling. It seems as though most of the MYV fans had forgotten there was a gamer challenge scheduled before Miyavi, and many were taken aback when we began the challenge before Miyavi came out. It was pretty fun--the first game bored me, and the second game didn't get exciting until the "Legendary Otaku" stepped up to the plate. He was...in a word, adorable.
FINALLY. The time came for Miyavi to come out. "What's my name?...Eh? What's my name? I Can' hear you! I SAID I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"
Of course, he's a ham, so he pumped us up by striking poses, speaking to us and being an all-around goof. "It's fuckin' chilly here in Texas...but it's hot in here, ne?!" His English has gotten MUCH MUCH better. He sang MANY old songs including Girls, Be Ambitious and Osan Osan Ore Nanbo, both of which are on his earliest albums put out as a single artist. He stopped the concert for a few minutes to talk to us about many of the bigger moves he's made lately-including his starting of J-Glam Inc ("J-Glam stands for Japanese Glam Rock...which is visual kei"), his new wife (Melody) and his expecting of a child. He dedicated a ballad-esque version of Kimi Ni Negai Wo and Ku Ku Ru to his unborn child, which was beyond moving. He was actually almost crying by the time he ended his speech before singing. It was...very sad, but very sweet. To cheer us up, he looked out to us and said (very sweetly) "Let me see you smile" and then, after observing the audience, he got the biggest grin on his face. Then someone yelled "I LOVE YOU MIYAVI" during the semi-silence, so he could really hear it, and he seemed a little taken aback and looked out and said "I love you too."
At one point in the concert, Miyavi decided to do a little fanservice (no, not kissing) and jump over to MY side of the concert and jump up on the table (in front of me, no less!) and sing there for a few mintues. I touched him. Twice. It was...well, anyone who's ever touched their musical idol before understands the feeling I experienced.
You could tell Miyavi was nervouce at the beginning of the conert. He was stiff, and was pushing himself a little harder than he probably ought to have (he ended up half-stripping because he over-heated and his voice cracked once). But by the middle of the concert, he had completely loosened up and became really, really fun. He played around with the audience and became very human. He actually dropped his mic...at least four times. Once when he pulled the jumpingtomyside thing (which was awesome), once while spinning around in order to pull attention to his guitarist's side of the stage, once while trying to start a song (which was hillarious. He looked at it, blushed a little and then began clapping while making this really cute "Ho'shit I just messed up" face), once while trying to move to our side of the stage (the cord was wrapped around the stand, which got him hung up) and another time while he was gesturing out into a sort of cross (it like, flew out of his hand XD). I'm sure his manager guy was out of breath by the end of it...chasing the mic around the entire stage. He constantly thanked us and told us he loved us, which was nice. And it wasn't a hollow "I LOVE YOU." It seemed very heartfelt--he really cares for his fans, which is really quite nice.
During the second half of the performance he had changed outfits (into this cute white long-sleeve shirt layered over his band shirt that was being sold outside), and became even more personable. One of the funniest parts of the concert (spare the "Imessedup" face bit) was when he realized that the camera had closed in on his chest as he was talking about his shirt "Look! It's my name. I wrote it myself...haha!") and he began thrusting his chest out (mimicing a heartbeat..the kind you'd see on a lovestruck cartoon) and then doing something equivilent to Mime Troupe's chest isolation excersize. He had this really goofy, excited smile on his face while he did it--he was really having a load of fun. And he continued to pull down his shirt as though it was too small (probably) which made watching him an even more adorable experience.
During the last two songs (Be as you are(/were?) and What a wonderful world and Girls, Be Ambitious) Miyavi was ALL OVER THE STAGE! (And off too, actually. He ran around to our side again and I got to high-five him as he ran by, which owwwwnnnsss.) He was jumping up and down, having us jump with him. He was headbanging and appointing times for us to headbang too, when he saw we weren't joining him. He was laughing and goofing around. It was....awesome.
I was so happy by the end of the performance, I honestly couldn't contain myself. When he walked off, everyone was like "NOOO!" and seemed to have not noticed his turning around and saying "Baibai," as I was the only one (as far as I heard) to return his g'bye. He waved at meeeeeeeeee

:D

Less than five minutes later my back gave out, my knee suddenly had sharp, throbbing pains (Yes, I know. Those contradict, but that's how it felt) and I had that stone-bruised feeling on the bottom of my feet. I began shaking due to lack of nutrition since 1pm (He didn't start until 10, and didn't end until midnight) and was, well, ready to go home.
Inspired, I bought the shirt he was flaunting during the concert (Yeah, yeah. It was total product placement, but it was so adorable, and I had wanted one earlier when I had bought the tanktop).
And promptly left for the hotel (I was beyond dead. As was Mom. So was Yaya, XD)
I had a load of fun.
I honestly would do it again. Everything the same.
I got an amazing spot--right up front where I could see/touch/benear him.
I had an awesome friend with me to experience the whole thing.
I saw my musical idol of around 4 years.
I'm a pretty happy child, to say the least.


To those who attend school with me--I'll be wearing my Miyavi concert shirts on Monday, Wednesday and Friday...so you'll know what the shirts looked like (including my home-made one on Wednesday). I had a load of fun, and ask me about the concert if you want to know any more :D

Oh, and

Have a fantastic Saturday.
Set aside half an hour for yourself and do something you love every Saturday and you will become a happier, truer you. Be it reading or coding, horse riding or watching Flight of the Conchords re-runs, do what makes YOU happy.

-月